A Solution to Lebanon’s Retarded, Religious Personal Status Law

We Lebanese are famous for our tolerance. Yeah, right. The only thing we should be famous for is being hypocrites when it comes to separating religion and law. In public, most people with human IQs claim they wish we had a truly secular system. In private, most Christians cling to the crooked law which gives them, 39-43% of the population, 50% of the influence. As for Muslims, they’re happy with the 50-50 facade, but know well enough their influence is far greater. The result is a retarded political system full of denial, paranoia and an inability to keep up with the times.

But, that’s not what we’re here to talk about. Fixing our constitution and the Taef Accord is just as likely as women becoming equal to men in religion’s eyes. So, why not focus on stuff that impact us personally, like getting married, inheriting our fair shares and of course getting divorced and remarried.

Problem?

For Christian who think I'm excluding them from the oppression of women part, read the Bible well...

Personal status laws (a7wel shakhsiyeh) in the Lebanese constitution are under the jurisdiction of each religious sect. Which means, priests and sheikhs decide what you can and cannot do with your life in terms of familial ties and relationships. That’s fine and dandy if you’re blindly convinced your religion is absolutely right and true. But, for people with the courage and brains to think critically, interpretations of the Bible and Quran are not the ideal basis for my personal choices and status.

If we want to look at it legally, our sheikhs and imams and priests and bishops are not elected individuals. They’re people assigned to their posts. Which means, we did not vote for them and thus it’s not us who put them in power, yet, they have the authority to control my freedom and pursuit of happiness… A clear violation of what democracy and freedom stand for.

To go further, this makes Lebanese people unequal under law. Which is to say that a Maronite man and a Sunni man are completely different entities under each religion’s law, when in reality they are both humans and Lebanese citizens. Some of what is ok for Maronites is not for Sunnis, and vice versa, and that system most definitely does NOT promote tolerance and equality.

At this point, I assume all of you will agree we need a united personal status law based on logic, reason and pragmatism. If not, stop reading and go pray or beat your wife or something. However, most of you will also agree that that dream is far too ambitious.

Here, I would like to suggest something which might seem funny at first. The acknowledged sects in Lebanon are

• Alawite
• Armenian Catholic
• Armenian Orthodox
• Assyrian Church of the East
• Chaldean Catholic
• Copts
• Druze
• Greek Catholic
• Greek Orthodox
• Isma’ili
• Jewish
• Maronite
• Protestant
• Roman Catholic
• Sunni
• Shi’a
• Syriac Catholic
• Syriac Orthodox

Solution?

Why not add an extra one called whatever you want to call it? That 19th sect would be acknowledged as a sect by Lebanese Law, which means personal status of the people who subscribe to it would be under its jurisdiction. The catch is, that the personal status law would be a modern and fair one. One where the equivalent of civil marriage, inheritance laws and other vital issues are based on successful secular models elsewhere around the world.

This way, I’d convert there, and so would my future wife, and we’d live happily, and my daughter would inherit a fair share of my fortune (which I have yet to accumulate) just like my son would (instead of my female offspring getting half of what my male offspring would like in Sunni laws for example).

What does this solve?

Well, let’s get real and face it, true reform in corrupt Lebanon is virtually impossible. Also, some people genuinely believe beating their wives and raping them is ok religiously (especially after a fatwa was issued  against the domestic violence law proposed to parliament last month). So, these people can keep acting like savages, and for the rest of us who respect the fact we are the result of billions of years of successful evolution and act like it, we can live happily in a more tolerant and fair law.

Conclusion?

Loopholes rock! Why? Because even the most dramatic of changes such as revolutions, have proven useless in the Arab world and Lebanon. So, why not bypass the stupidity and backwardness? Why not push for amending the constitution, like it has been so many times, to create an extra sect? That way, we’d use the system to our benefit instead of fighting it like sissy leftists in Lebanon who plant empty tents and stick stupid posters on Riad el Solh square.

Loopholes! <3