FASHAL – URGENT for Christians Only!

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In Lebanon, what’s seen as “land-grabbing” by people from a different sect is a real fear for communities that feel they are on the fault lines between the different regions of Lebanon that often have a majority from a certain sect.

This is a real estate ad, with the title that roughly translates to: “URGENT / Apartment for Sale in Hadath / For Christians Only).

It goes on to add at the end of the entry: “Please note: buying is for Christians only”.

Sad we’ve come to a point where your sect matters so much if you’re buying real estate. Enough to be on an ad online and in newspapers… The worst part is, both sides of the story could be true: the Christians could be paranoid about the land-grabbing, the non-Christians might have an ultra-conservative wealthy segment that is actively seeking to “buy out” Christian areas… If only we were secular…

The Mashkal Flowchart by Kareem Rifai

1976973_10152092984648635_2027368708_nI have a lot of talented, sarcastic friends and sometimes they come up with gems that I can’t help but share with you guys here.

Kareem is a friend I have never seen during the day. I’ve only see him after the sun sets, in deep, dark dungeons of dance music or outdoors in a real-life garten of eden with equally amazing music. So, you could say our friendship is quite a special one with plenty of alcohol and laughs and dancing.

Anyway, he created a hilarious, though morbidly accurate flowchart about getting into fights in Beirut.

It asks: “Beik, wazir or 3andak wasta?” which roughly translates to “beik (a feudal lord title), minister or got a wasta (favors you can ask/pay for from someone in power). If you answer yes, you’re good to go. If not, it asks if you if “shaklo az3ar?”, which means “does he look gangsta?”, if he does, it continues on to ask you “bta3mel missed call bitsakker al manta2a” which roughly means “you can do a missed a missed call and close down the neighborhood/area” which is a reference to people from your are/town/sect/family/party having your back if you need them.

If you don’t qualify, never get into a fight, because your life will be hell in Lebanon, and no one will stand up for your rights. Of course, you shouldn’t be getting into fights in the first place, but let’s consider the other party has initiated the hostilities here =P

Another morbidly hilarious reflection of life in Beirut.

FASHAL – Please Open Your Jacket Before Boardin

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This roughly translates to: “passengers are kindly requested to open their jackets before boarding”

This comes a day after a suicide bomber detonated his explosive vest on a van in Choueifat, south east of Beirut, killing himself and wounding the driver and a passenger. Morbid times for Lebanon.

FASHAL – In-n-Out in Lebanon?

I found this gem on the Maameltein highway. It follows other rip-offs likeĀ 7-eleven, anotherĀ 7-eleven.

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LA-In-N-Out-Burger

 

And here’s a little something to make all you folks who’ve been to LA hungry for some burgers (but not animal sauce, cause I hate it, sue me)

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