Now, we all hate valet parking in Lebanon, but you can’t but pause and give props for this epic ad.

It roughly translates to “catch the zaffe (traditional dance in weddings and happy occasions), and we’ll take care of parking” (it rhymes in Arabic, so it’s a bit lost in translation.

And, to top it all off, they used the wedding scene from Twilight… So many things we all hate in one ad, that it’s impossible not to chuckle and clap.

Thanks Maher Laham for the photo

FASHAL – ISF Internet Security Video

Calrification: This is an old video from their archives, check out the new ones here.

GOOD LAWD ALMIGHTY! This is absolute gold! Everything from the Windows XP theme, to the embarrassingly ancient animations, CGI and notification sounds, looks more like a parody than an actual informative video by theĀ police. Anyway, enjoy it, and do be careful online.

I just wish the ISF would shut down online scam businesses in Lebanon, not just do bad videos about it…

FASHAL – URGENT for Christians Only!

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In Lebanon, what’s seen as “land-grabbing” by people from a different sect is a real fear for communities that feel they are on the fault lines between the different regions of Lebanon that often have a majority from a certain sect.

This is a real estate ad, with the title that roughly translates to: “URGENT / Apartment for Sale in Hadath / For Christians Only).

It goes on to add at the end of the entry: “Please note: buying is for Christians only”.

Sad we’ve come to a point where your sect matters so much if you’re buying real estate. Enough to be on an ad online and in newspapers… The worst part is, both sides of the story could be true: the Christians could be paranoid about the land-grabbing, the non-Christians might have an ultra-conservative wealthy segment that is actively seeking to “buy out” Christian areas… If only we were secular…

The Mashkal Flowchart by Kareem Rifai

1976973_10152092984648635_2027368708_nI have a lot of talented, sarcastic friends and sometimes they come up with gems that I can’t help but share with you guys here.

Kareem is a friend I have never seen during the day. I’ve only see him after the sun sets, in deep, dark dungeons of dance music or outdoors in a real-life garten of eden with equally amazing music. So, you could say our friendship is quite a special one with plenty of alcohol and laughs and dancing.

Anyway, he created a hilarious, though morbidly accurate flowchart about getting into fights in Beirut.

It asks: “Beik, wazir or 3andak wasta?” which roughly translates to “beik (a feudal lord title), minister or got a wasta (favors you can ask/pay for from someone in power). If you answer yes, you’re good to go. If not, it asks if you if “shaklo az3ar?”, which means “does he look gangsta?”, if he does, it continues on to ask you “bta3mel missed call bitsakker al manta2a” which roughly means “you can do a missed a missed call and close down the neighborhood/area” which is a reference to people from your are/town/sect/family/party having your back if you need them.

If you don’t qualify, never get into a fight, because your life will be hell in Lebanon, and no one will stand up for your rights. Of course, you shouldn’t be getting into fights in the first place, but let’s consider the other party has initiated the hostilities here =P

Another morbidly hilarious reflection of life in Beirut.

FASHAL – Please Open Your Jacket Before Boardin

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This roughly translates to: “passengers are kindly requested to open their jackets before boarding”

This comes a day after a suicide bomber detonated his explosive vest on a van in Choueifat, south east of Beirut, killing himself and wounding the driver and a passenger. Morbid times for Lebanon.