The Artist Movie Review

I absolutely loved, loved, loved this movie. The second I knew someone made a silent, black-and-white movie, I knew I was gonna go watch it. I always wonder how it would’ve been to watch the 4:3, black and white picture with nothing but a soundtrack. I though it would’ve been awkward, full of over-acting and annoying melodies. I was definitely wrong, at least when it comes to The Artist. The movie is hilarious, heart-breaking and immensely cute all at the same time.

It’s about George Valentin, a silent movie super-star, and Peppy Miller, a younger actress who would eventually become a star in “talkies” (talking movies). Silent movies become extinct, and Valentin finds himself out of favor, and soon enough broke. Peppy’s fame on the other hand, skyrockets. Their romance persists though, and their paths keep on intersecting.

The supporting actors were regulars we love and admire, in roles that will make you go “asshole” to an actor you usually associate with cuddliness and kindness or “awwwwwww” and almost shed a tear to an actor you’re used to as the mean guy. Above all, Valentin’s dog is my absolute favorite in the movie. I’d do anything to hug that tiny bundle of awesomeness which I felt played the biggest role in invoking laughter, intensity, sadness, compassion, fear and so much more in a movie where only a handful of words are uttered, at the very very end (spoiled it =P).

All in all, the silent movie experience was very enjoyable. You have to respect the actors and musicians, who let you follow the storyline with only an occasional phrase or two flashed on the screen. Go watch it, ASAP. It’s only playing in Sofil Center in Ashrafieh, which I think is pretty adequate, given its old-theater feel with the big comfy chairs and the smooth-edged silver screen.

IMDB: 8.4/10
Me: 10/10

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo Review

I liked this movie. It’s different. It’s a movie about a disgraced journalist in Sweden which ends up moving out of the city into a rural town, aiding an aging businessman in finding out whatever happened to his niece who disappeared 40 years ago.

In Stockholm, a brilliant young hacker with a disturbed past and an unorthodox look and behavior struggles to make a living off the state’s welfare system. Eventually, she (Lisbeth) finds herself helping the journalist (Mikael), whom she had investigated previously, in finding the truth about Heriot (the missing girl).

Soon enough, a pattern of killing women emerges and the rural island where they’re investigating the disappearance of Herriot proves to be quite a complex mini-society of mostly psychotic relatives.

The twists and turns and sometimes graphic images make the movie awesome. There are instances in the movie where you’re gonna be like “fuck this shit” but then, another scene makes you go “hell yeah!”. Also, the movie’s makers are trolls. They drop obvious hints, making you feel like you’ve got it all figured it out, then the story takes a twist out of the blue which I found quite entertaining.

All in all, it’s a nice movie which is different. It combines several types of movies, with some cool action scenes, awesome mystery-solving plot and an ending to make the movie stand-out from the cliches we’re used to. So, I recommend you watch it, but, the length of it might make getting it on pirated DVD and watching it at home all the more appealing.

IMDB Rating: 8.2/10
My Rating: 8/10 

Intouchables Movie Review by Hady Chehlaoui

I loved this movie. It’s in French, I know, blekh… But, if you know just a little bit of French, combined with the English subtitles will eventually make you not sure if you were reading the English or magically understanding the French.

It’s a funny movie with plenty of witty jokes and some slapstick action. It’s also very touching and moving, but in a nice way. I’ll leave you to Hady’s review below. And by the way, Hady might’ve been a tad bit more moved than I was =P

IMDB Rating: 8.3/10
My Rating: 8/10 

A few months ago, Intouchables was released in France. It slowly became a nation-wide sensation, and broke all French box office records.

Intouchables was released on January 5th, and I obviously decided to head down to the movies to see what all the fuss was about….

Intouhables is the touching and hilarious true story of two worlds that meet. Philippe, a rich paraplegic aristocrat hires Driss, a young man from an impoverished urban suburb, to care for him, to everyone’s surprise. Driss is certainly not the most qualified candidate, but Philippe appreciates his lack of compassion and pity towards him, which almost makes him feel normal again. On the other hand, Driss appreciates his newfound lifestyle: taking showers in big golden bathtubs, driving Philippe in a Maserati, and flirting with the enigmatic secretary.  However Driss’s past slowly surfaces, menacing both men’s friendship.

Directors Nakache and Toledano deliver a feel-good movie, where Omar Sy (Driss) &François Cluzet (Philippe) both excel in making us lauch, cry, and even cry of laughter at certain times!  The buildup is phenomenal and the film gradually become funnier, till the final scene (which is most likely sponsored by Kleenex) where you’ll probably shed a tear or two!  Keeping in mind that Cluzet only uses his face to express himself, he does a remarkable job conveying all his feelings and emotions, and Omar magnificently emits a wonderful “joie de vivre” which transcends right from the screen right into our hearts.

I strongly encourage all people (even if they don’t understand French) to watch it. I saw it twice in 4 days, and I cannot wait for it to come out on DVD and add it to my personal collection! I guarantee that this movie will shake you to the core, and you’ll leave the theater with a HUGE smile on your face.

In Time Movie Review

I enjoyed this movie. It’s not Matrix-material in terms that it unexpectedly changed movie history when it was expected to flop, but it’s nevertheless an original look at how things could be different in our world.

It stars Justin Timberlake and Amanda Seyfried in a world where genetically engineered humans stop aging at the age of 25. This is weird, since your mom, grandma and great grandma could all look as your girlfriend. The catch is, at 25, they only get one year. They can trade in time for services, and vice versa. For example, a cup of coffee costs 5 minutes.

It’s cool cause in a way, time really is money in that world. The world is divided into cheekily named “time zones” in that people with thousands and millions of years are in one sector, while others with mere minutes live in others.

The constant strive for more time creates an ideal Darwinian world where the fittest can become immortal and the not-so-fit run out of time and die. JT of course challenges that status-quo in this very enjoyable movie.

Despite the criticism, and perhaps the potential for major improvement, I really recommend you pay that 1$ and get it on a pirated DVD, or spend those few hours downloading it via internet torrents.

IMDB Rating: 6.6/10
My Rating: 7/10

8 Things To Spoil Twilight Breaking Dawn For You (for your own good)

HORRID! This is a sorry excuse for a movie, even for a Twilight film! There’s no movie feel to it. The scene are erratic in their sequencing and boring in their redundancy. I watched it with my friend Victor, to be able to say “I watched twilight in the day with another dude” when we’re both not gay.

I’m gonna spoil it for normal humans who haven’t read the books, so you don’t go see this pile of rubbish

  1. They get married. In a cheesy, gut-wrenching scene which is like finger nails on a chalkboard (though the set was nice)
  2. They have sex. It’s SUCH a turn-off after a 2-movie build-up of no-sex. Iranian and Saudi movies show more skin than this one did
  3. She gets pregnant. She has to drink O negative blood with a straw to feed the fetus
  4. She’s still a hoe. She loves the dog guy Jacob, even though she is married to the vampire Edward (how the fuck does that work for her?)
  5. She gets a girl called Reneesme. Right after Edward rips her tummy open with his fangs.
  6. She becomes a vampire. Red eye lenses and everything
  7. Ending will make you cry… in pain. It’s such a stupid ending, that if the ending had been “she woke up from a dream”, it would’ve been MUCH better. How does the child get protected from the dogs? The dog who loves Bella “imprints” on the baby… -_-
  8. There’s more of this crap. This is just part 1…

IMDB Rating: 4.7/10 (that low…)
My Rating: -10/10 

Immortals Movie Review


If you’re a fan of Greek mythology, this is a no-brainer. If you’re not, this is a no-brainer too. Immortal is one of the few movies I’ve actually enjoyed in the past few months. The visuals in 3D are sublime and the scenery is magnificent. The story is also more accurate than other recent movies, at least when it comes to the Olympian Gods.

I’d say the art direction is an Oscar-winner, I’d bet on that. The wardrobes, sets, color schemes, scenery is all fabulous. That, coupled with the movie being shot in 3D and the epic (and graphic) fight scenes complete with slow-motion and close-ups made me drool with pleasure like I did when I saw 300 a few years back.

The relationships between the Olympian gods is finally spot-on, with the contempt Zeus feels towards his son Ares tangible and eventually leads to Zeus killing his “most-hated son”. That’s important for mythology buffs like me, cause it’s surreal seeing the childhood fantasies come to life so beautifully on the big screen.

Mickey Rourke’s role as the vilain was perfect, with the demeanor and voice coupled with the Hyperion wardrobe giving Rourke the ability to wow. Henry Cavill’s role as the mortal chosen by Zeus, Thesius, makes me look forward in great anticipation to the 2013 Superman movie.

All in all, I loved this movie. It is enjoyable and has everything a blockbuster should have. It also severely hurt “Breaking Dawn” at the box office, which is added value for this movie!

IMDB Rating: 6.8/10
My Rating: 9/10 

Back to the Future Classic Movie Review by Hady Chehlaoui

Starring: Michael J. Fox (Marty McFly) – Christopher Lloyd (Dr. Emmett ‘Doc’ Brown) – Thomas F. Wilson (Biff Tanen)

 Directed by: Robert Zemeckis

US Release Day: July 3rd 1985

Marty McFly is a struggling teen living in Hill Valley in 1985. His family defines “dysfunctional”. His father is a complete loser, his mom is a raging alcoholic and his siblings are utterly and completely lame!  His only friend is non other than eccentric and crazy scientist Dr. Emmett Brown (or ‘Doc’ as Marty calls him), whose latest creation is non other than a plutonium-powered DeLorean “time machine”. However when Marty is accidentally sent back to 1955, he must solve two things: First, he must find the young Doc in order to travel back to 1985 (did I mention that he cannot plutonium-power it in 1955?), and secondly must help his own teenage father (still a loser) conquer his teenage mother’s heart, who develops the hots for Marty himself! Marty is suddenly faced with a cataclysmic problem: If his parents never meet, he will cease to exist! To make all things even worse, he also has to cope with Biff, the town bully, who constantly makes the situation worse., and ultimately has to find a way to get back to the Future…

This movie is just great. Michael J. Fox’s performance is wonderful, but it’s Christopher Lloyd’s ‘Doc’ who steals the show. The chemistry between the whole cast is simply electric. The references to 80′s in the 50′s are hilarious (The Calvin Klein joke. The Ronald Reagan joke, etc…). This is seriously one of my favorite movies and is considered to be a cult classic. Back to the Future made Michael J. Fox an overnight star, and before he knew it, he was offered roles all over Hollywood.  Perhaps the young generation (people born in the 90′s and above) won’t like it because they might not find it funny or interesting enough but the thing is, you have to look as this movie, as if you were watching it in 1985. You will appreciate it more. The truth is that Back to the future, is a fantastic movie loved by many generations, and is filled with heart, comedy and a never ending race against the clock.  If you do like it, be sure to check out Back to the Future parts: II and III.

Grade: 7.5/10

Favorite Quote: 

Dr. Emmett Brown: Now, remember – according to my theory, you interfered with your parents first meeting. If they don’t meet, they won’t fall in love, they won’t get married and they won’t have kids. That’s why your older brother’s disappearing from that photograph. Your sister will follow, and unless you repair the damage, you’ll be next.

Marty McFly: Sounds pretty heavy.
Dr. Emmett Brown: Weight has nothing to do with it.

Fun Fact: A fridge was supposed to be used instead of the DeLorean in an earlier version of the script.

Favorite Moment: When Marty plays an “oldie” at the school dance.

Contagion Film Review

This movie is full of stars. This epic new biological thriller features massive names like Marion Cotillard, Matt Damon, Laurence Fishburne, Jude Law, Gwyneth Paltrow, Kate Winslet, and Bryan Cranston (the dad in Malcolm in the Middle).

The movie starts off with Gwyneth Paltrow’s character falling deeply ill after returning from abroad. Soon after, she dies in hospital, and her son dies minutes later. Soon enough, an epidemic begins to spread in cities all over the world. The virus is virtually unstoppable and kills millions around the world.

Lawrence Fishburne and Kate Winslet are CDC agents, Jude Law is an influential blogger, Matt Damon is Gwenyth Platrow’s oblivious husband and Marion Cotillard (HOT) is the WHO epidemiologist. In other words, each character tells a part of the story and most of the characters never cross paths in the story. The story is told from the perspective of a helpless patient, a hopeless professional, a skeptical blogger (who I am NOTHING like btw) and other angles on the same pandemic, making the storytelling rationale of this movie special.

The movie doesn’t dwell on the normal cliche of governments wanting to weed out a tiny population for the greater good, with the hero coming to the rescue at the last minute. In Contagion, millions of people die, and the rest wait patiently for a cure or vaccine. It also taps into the conspiracy theories that are fashionable today, like stupid socialists and communists claiming pharmaceutical companies are creating artificial viruses to make profits.

In other words, this is a proud addition to the epidemic thriller movies club. The star-studded, well-written and original movie will swell the theater’s bathrooms after the final credits run. Why? Because everyone is going to run there hysterically and feverishly wash their hands, avoiding contact with other people and running home with a bucket of ice-cream and hope you’re gonna be immune to the next super-virus.

IMDB Rating: 7.2/10

My Rating: 8/10 (I’m a biologist after all…) 

 

 

Where Do We Go Now/Halla2 La Wein? FTO (For the Oscars)

The resurgence of Lebanese talent in the past few years as a viable competitor to what we import, has never been more obvious to me than in Nadine Labaki’s latest 6.7 million USD long feature film, Where Do We Go Now?

The movie is beautifully written and tells the story of a remote village somewhere in the Bekaa, isolated from the rest of Lebanon. The village, which was never named, consists of both Christian and Muslim families. The women in the story are the main players, with the moms from both religions forming a very tightly knit group that will stop at nothing to keep their men from fighting each other after news of sectarian violence outside reached the quiet little village.

Twist after twist in the story, leaves you smiling and sort of bowing your head in pleasure at the masterful story-telling that only a Lebanese might fully understand and appreciate. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t have universal appeal though, for the movie highlights aspects often overlooked about Lebanon in movies, and really brings some life into the overused topic of “coexistence” between sects in Lebanon.

Speaking of that cliche topic, coexistence, Where Do We Go Now really succeeds in being honest about how things really go down in mixed towns and villages in Lebanon. It isn’t a high-and-mighty, hippie approach to the topic, but a getting-your-hands-dirty and sparing-no-expense kind of scenario, which sufficed to say, won my heart.

The characters are all very lovable and have a true teta-like appeal. The language and mannerisms are refreshingly Lebanese, making it easy to transplant yourself in a kid’s, a mom’s, a dad’s, a priest’s or an imam’s shoes in the story. They’re also extremely hilarious, with puns and jokes that will have you nearly suffocate on your popcorn more than once throughout the 110 minutes. Here’s a sample: Hashishet Albe (Hashish of my heart, which in Arabic sounds very familiar to “habibet albeh” love of my heart)

The story though is bitter-sweet. You might laugh wholeheartedly at the wholesome, and sometimes naughty, jokes and scenes, but you’ll also choke up and purse your lips in others. On that note, I’d like to address the stupid “soldiers of Christ” here, and ask them why they don’t threaten Nadine Labaki with boycott like they did with LMFAO? After all, there’s a scene where they shatter a statue of the Virgin Mary, and fake a miracle *gasps in horror* Dumbasses.

Semi-SPOILER ALERT

One of the only two people who get in and out of the village regularly, Nassim, ends up caught up in the crossfire of a Christian-Muslim clash outside the village and dies. His devastated mother will stop at nothing to prevent a backlash, and hides her son’s body till she can figure out a way to reconcile the men of the village. After a couple of very imaginative trials, the women end up converting to the opposite religion after drugging and destroying the men’s weapons, in protest to the constant skirmishes between the people with penises.

The ending though, explains very powerfully, beautifully, poetically and downright epically the name of the movie “Halla2 La Wein?”, that, I will not spoil for you guys and very strongly recommend you go watch it ASAP. The movie has already won the People’s Choice Awards at the Toronto Film Festival, and will be representing Lebanon in the 84th Academy Awards. So, Where Do We Go Now? Well, to the oscars of course! #WDWGN #FTO!

IMDB Rating: 7.2/10 (pre-release)

My Rating: 10/10

 

 

 

 

 

 

Horrible Bosses Review

This movie was absolutely hilarious! It’s been quite a while since a real laugh-out-loud, snort-fest movie. Perhaps the closes thing was the first Hangover movie, which was a bit different than the usual Adam-Sandlerish comedy.

I mean, look at the cast! Jennifer Aniston, Kevin Spacey, Colin Farrell and Jamie Foxx, and those are just the secondary roles! The main roles are played by Jason Bateman and two virtually unknown actors Charlie Day and Jason Seudeikis.

Aniston, Spacey and Farrel are the 3 horrible bosses and Bateman, Day and Sedeikis are the employees that decide it’s time to kill their bosses. The simpleton, geeky trio seek the help of Motherfucker Jones (Jamie Foxx) and things get extremely complicated from there.

The twists and quirks are absolutely hilarious. It’s also loads of fun seeing heavyweights like Spacey and Aniston and Farrel, go all the way. Spacey is a complete, murderous psychopath. Aniston is a masochistic maneater, she even says “slap my face with your cock.” Will Farrell is a cokehead that keeps sleeping around with two Asian transvestites. The new guys are also comedy geniuses.

I don’t wanna go into the storyline, for I’d ruin it for you guys! But, remember me when Motherfucker Jones explains how he got that first name ;)

IMDB Rating: 7.5/10
My and Mika’s Rating:
 9/10

Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon Review

I will get right to the point you’re all thinking about: how did they make a Transformers movie without Megan Fox? Well, they made a pretty damn awesome one and Megan Fox leaving is probably the best thing that ever happened to the movie!

Her replacement, far, far superior to her (and with no mutant fingers), Rosie Huntigton even has a British accent *melts* she tells Shia LeBoeuf “I’ll give you a job later” so, guys (and lesbians) dismayed at Mega Fox’s disappearance, feast your eyes on this divine being

Now, as for the movie itself, it’s the best Transformers so far. It’s as if the Transformers series has grown up. The first two were somewhat cheesy and childish faerie-tales with a plot right out of a Disney flick (minus the subliminal messages). This one has really matured, with everything from the dialogue, the sexiness and of course the computer-generated-imagery getting better.

What I’m trying to say is that it’s not a clear good-guy bad-guy plot, but full of deception, betrayal and twists that make the human race so delightful. You also a few milliseconds of gore (like a skull) for all you reality-junkies.

The CGI is godly and the 3D is worth it. The storyline is superb, resurrecting the series sorta like (dare I say it!?) the Dark Knight. The characters are still awesome if not more so. There is also some comedy, with Hangover’s favorite Asia returning as Wang as well as the old Sector 7 leader being hilarious! Apart from that, there’s the Earth that needs saving and stuff. And also, loads of new cars and robots!

SPOILER ALERT

The Autobots have become close allies with the USA and they’re sort of like keepers of the peace. They monitor the US allies and try to avert any conflict with humans, to stay vigilant of the Decepticons. And for all you 14 March guys, they kick the hell out of Iranians. And for all you capitalists, they also decimate silly communists!

Then, the truth about the 60s space race between the USA and USSR is revealed and it turns out the guys were searching for a wrecked UFO, “The Ark”, which was carrying Sentinel Prime, Optimus Prime’s predecessor, and some weapon that could help the Autobots win the war.

Soon enough, an insane twist allows the Decpticons to summon hundreds of reinforcements after “deporting” the Autobots. A bunch of other twists see the Autobots come back to the rescue, and Optimus finally gets his freak on and rips Megatron’s head and spine off!

That’s as much as I’m gonna spoil it for you. OH! And for all you girls who like “Dr Shepherd” or McDumbass or whatever… You’re gonna UTTERLY despise him after this.

IMDB Rating: 7.3/10

My Rating: 10/10

Kung Fu Panda 2 Review

I know you’re all waiting for my thoughts on the character that is practically me in digitally animated form (yes, including the Kung Fu skills). I watched it in Qatar with Rudy, and my thoughts are WOW. I must say, I was skeptical about a sequel, as we always are. But, to me, this sequel was as good if not better than the first.

The laughs are still there and I choked on my Coke on several occasions, especially towards the end! What’s new and adds a lot to the movie is the emotional aspects of the story, when Po starts to ponder about his past after he had the amazing revelation that a goose cannot father a panda…

The heartwarming scenes and the laugh-out-loud ones are both strong enough to jerk some tears, which makes it truly twice the awesomeness.

Something in the plot struck me as very familiar.  Master Shen, the bad guy, gets a prophecy that a “black and white” warrior will kill him and as a result, massacres all the pandas in the kingdom. He is then of course banished by his firework-creating parents. I don’t know about you, but a dude called Herod did the exact same thing about 2011 years ago…

I had to share that with you to see if anyone else thought so too =P

Oh, and it’s very obvious there’s a Kung Fu Panda 3, so stick till the very end ;) Maybe we’ll see some romance blossom between Po and Tigress?

IMDB Rating: 7.9/10
My Rating: 9/10