After an hour’s drive and asking for directions multiple times, we got to, as we learned, one of the many “7ay el tanaks” (tinsel towns) in Tripoli. I think we had an especially hard time finding it, because it was sandwiched between shiny new high-rises, and bustling shisha cafes on the Mina region’s coast: the last place you’d expect.

After locking the Clio and putting the laptops out of sight, we walked to the end of the asphalt that gave way to a dirt road that snaked through hundreds of shacks made from bits of tents, tin plates and wood along with anything else its residents could improvise. Actually, dirt road wouldn’t be a fair way to describe it, it was more like muddy road. Given it’s the end of a hot May in Lebanon, I’m sure you can understand that it was waste water, and not rain that made it muddy.

 As we navigated the puddles of gray water, kids no more than 5 years old ran by us, saying hello, asking if we had anything for them. We weren’t the center of attention for long though, for a rickety old motorcycle with a portable cooler strapped to it had them all lining up to get some ice cream, a cone for 250LL. One man ordered 6 cones for his kids and himself, and the ice cream man gave him a discount and took only 1,000LL. A minute later, the burly man threw his cone away, saying “that’s just the smell of pistachio” his face grimacing into disgust. When his elderly mother asked him why he still bought from that man, he said, “when we stick to someone, we don’t turn our back on them. We’ve always bought from him, we have to encourage his business.”

Minutes later, the unmistakable twinkle in those kids eyes came back, this time, it was an ice cream truck, and just as rickety as the motorcycle. It was gutted from everything save for a “merry cream” machine tied down in place with pieces of shredded cloth. The driver’s face just as blank and expressionless as the server’s. I realized now why the mother had asked that question: in this, the poorest part of Lebanon, ice cream was a thriving industry with many rivals competing for a share of that gold-colored 250LL coin.

I approached the man, 33-year-old Saadeddine. He had a kind face, and he greeted us with a warm smile and pulled out two chairs for my friend and myself. He insisted on buying us a cone of ice cream, and we politely declined. The fit man with the big, tattooed biceps then pulled his chair closer, and said, “ask me anything, I will tell you everything.”

Saadeddine went on to explain that he’s a diver: that he sets up fish traps and hunts of octopuses in the summer time. He explained how he had no car, and that he’d pack up his gear, pay 5,000LL to get to the “Casino” area and if the sea was turbid, he’d have no choice but to go back to Tripoli, a day and 10,000LL wasted.

He explained that in the winter, he can’t find a job. His bitterness behind the big smile becomes evident when he goes on to say “I can’t read or write. I’m a 33 year old Lebanese man who hasn’t even seen Baalbek. I haven’t seen the cedars. I don’t have a car, how could I get there? How is that fair? How is that ok? Mish 7aram?”

Saadeddine goes on to explain how a former advisor for a top ranking Lebanese official was sueing him to evict Saadeddine and his family off his land. How he went to every court date for 7 years, but the advisor never showed up once. He goes on to explain that the judge eventually threw the case out the window out of frustration of the advisor’s constant absenteeism. But, that story didn’t have a happy ending either. A few weeks later, Saadeddine was slapped with a 3,000,000LL fine for “occupying land.” Here, his anguish was even more palpable. He declared “occupying?! I am a Lebanese person, a Lebanese citizen, and if I could, I’d move out of here to a decent apartment, but I can’t. If I could, I would not steal electricity. If I could, I wouldn’t need to drive an unlicensed motorcycle that the police impound every time I park it to go dive for octopuses…”

Overall, Saadeddine was cheerful though. He looked cheerful at least. He’d describe heart wrenching details and realities, and would be smiling, patting me on the shoulder when I couldn’t hide my expression of horror. I couldn’t help but notice he was hiding a lot of things, focusing on the bitter circumstances on his mind every day of his 33-year life. When he strayed off-topic, his mother would interject and say “stop bothering the nice man” to which he’d reply “I just answer his questions.”

That’s when an unexpected guest joined in: heavily tattooed, portly man called Omar. The poorly drawn, faded tattoos were hard to read, and were an indication of an era of youth of exceptional rebellion that had given way to the defeated, consciously irrational man that sat next to us. He immediately told me “I had a beard, I shaved it last week. I was going to fight.”

Saadeddine was obviously distraught, his elderly mother even more so. I realized that the unfortunate tendency of Lebanese people to conceal unpleasant or unflattering realities was rife here, even with people that were ready to open their hearts and say everything as long as it was about them, not badmouthing others. The reckless Omar spilled the beans though, and I quickly shifted my attention to him.

“Why would you go fight?” I asked, trying as hard as possible to sound un-phased by his unexpected declaration (unexpected in at least how easy it came out of him without any extra prying from my part.) He answered, rapidly “When you see the images of the massacres in places like Banyas, how can you not want to go and fight?” A noble statement, which his quick temper followed up immediately with “especially when Sayyed (expletive) is sending fighters there.” That was when I got the feel of how many people felt about going to fight in Syria. The noble titles were good for TV and press, but not for the masses. Why would a Lebanese Sunni man go to fight in Syria? Well, to stick it to the Shiite Hezbollah of course. It was such a sad, vicious cycle that each person has a different opinion on, and that is not the focus of why I am writing this.

I am writing this to help illustrate the plight of Lebanon’s poorest citizens. I am all for accommodating the hundreds of thousands of innocent civilians who sought refuge in our tiny country. I am appalled at the racism some Lebanese folks have shown as well, whether by the curfews set by many municipalities, or by the “they did that to us for 30 years, it’s their time to suffer” rhetoric. However, the disorganized distribution of the refugees, often in some of Lebanon’s most underprivileged areas, has been brewing angst in those neighborhoods, and for understandable reasons.

Aid from the international community has been pouring in for the Syrian refugees in Lebanon. As a result, things like rent, healthcare, day-to-day supplies and other needs are being met partially or fully. Lebanese folks, who are, as Saadeddine put it, “are displaced because of poverty” for decades, are being ignored. Yet, they accepted that, and were gracious hosts for the most part. However, the fact that Syrian refugees’ expenses are covered, at least partially, by aid, allows them to work for much cheaper than their Lebanese counterparts. A steel welder we met and sat with said that he needs 50USD a day to feed his family, pay rent and survive. A Syrian was doing the same work for 10,000LL (around 6.7USD).

As you can see, this is enough cause for anger, which some religious authorities are trying to fix by redistributing the aid “according to need, not nationality” as one local sheikh explained to us. This raises a few question marks though, since the aid was designated for Syrian refugees and the donors expect them to go there.

The war in Syria looks like it will rage on for many more months if not years, and even if it ends today, many if not most cannot return to their destroyed cities and towns. The comparisons between the July 2006 War refugee situation and this one is not accurate, for the former lasted little over a month in the summer time while this one is already in its 3^rd year. Add to that, school, jobs, healthcare and permanent housing.

Unfortunately, Lebanese officials have not yet fully comprehended the scale of these pressures, and in the ashes of the tinsel towns of Lebanon, often disturbed by skirmishes and sectarian-fueled clashes, burns an endless fire, that could explode at any moment if something is not done.

What should be done you ask? I’m not sure. But, we need to find a way to be fair to both underprivileged Syrians and their Lebanese counterparts. Aid isn’t the answer, fair jobs and wages are. But, in light of the “exploitative entrepreneurial” spirit of many Lebanese taking advantage of cheap labor, and the lack of any governmental regulations, the solutions look as remote as a peaceful resolution to the Syrian conflict…

Ahmad Ajam, better known as DJ maDJam, is an extremely good friend of mine. His birthday party has become a time-honored tradition year after year where lotsa awesome people get together for good drinks, great food and even better music on the rooftop of his house in Beirut.

It’s not a large-scale event, and it’s usually friends and friends of friends. Last year’s was especially epic, since it coincided with clashes happening a stone’s throw away from us, while we continued to party well into the morning hours, occasionally watching the clashes unfold while taking a breather from the dancing. Read more about last year here.

Last night, luckily, the baboons with guns and sacred books decided not to start a street war, and as a result, a lot more awesome people showed up. It was amazing meeting up with folks I haven’t seen for so long, and Moody, Lori, Nour, Dounia, Sam, Chris, Karim, Gaelle are only a handful of fantastic people I had the immense pleasure of celebrating with last night.

But, at around 3:30AM, our brave men in uniform showed up unannounced and simply made their way into the party. No phone call, no warrant, no nothing. Needless to say, most of the people there pulled out their phones and started to make calls and ask favors to get rid of the po-po (an unfortunate reflex in a country where the only people more crooked than criminals, are the people tasked with catching them).

They were politely escorted down to Moody’s living room, and the details here become foggy, as I preferred to stay on the rooftop and enjoy myself instead of get more heartache about how hopeless Lebanon’s case is. However, lo and behold, the police officers left without issuing a “ma7dar” and taking our names, which was the initial plan when they crashed the party. As I said, the details are foggy, and perhaps Moody did go through the proper process (which the police didn’t bother doing). But, they disappeared, happy and with some cold Red Bulls to energize them so they can fight crime the rest of the night (or just crash other parties).

My theory is it was a jealous neighbor who called in a crooked favor. Some of moody’s neighbors are infamous for having a bone to pick with us because we party while they seek bomb shelters. Understandable of course, but still pathetic. What was even more pathetic, is that our beloved security forces train on how to hold steel trays above their heads as they run for the bomb shelters if they ever hear mortar or rocket fire. They train for that arduously.

So, what I learned last night, is that when there’s a street war going on. The ISF are hiding underground with steel trays above their heads. But, if it’s a bunch of Lebanese citizens, unarmed and not politically fathered by a warlord, they come in strong, disregarding the sanctity of one’s home and completely ignoring proper protocol. Heroes! I take my shirt off and lay it before your shiny boots!

The music was turned off for 20-30 minutes till the po-po were gone and then turned back on at a lower level, and we continued to search for Almaza bottle caps so that a friend can get another friend home for summer from abroad. For next year, to all our beloved militiamen, please, start a battle so that the police won’t come harass us and we can all enjoy whatever we enjoy doing (killing for you, love for us).

Peace. And Happy Birthday Moody! And, if the police had to come shut it down, that’s proof it was one hell of a party! =D

وعن حادثة الدكوانه والمربع الليلي فيها قال: “لبنان ضد اللواط، وهو بحسب القانون اللبناني يعتبر جناية. وأنا أتساءل هل بعدما سمحت فرنسا بزواج المثليين، نسمح بدخولهم لبنان؟”

Roughly translates to: “Lebanon is against fags, and according to Lebanese law, it is a felony. And I wonder, after France allowed gay people to marry, should we let them into Lebanon?”

Source: Ministry of Interior Affairs website

Ah, words of wisdom from the minister that got us used to the terms “3an boo janab” and sitting down with Al Assir and the warring factions in Tripoli to plead with them to conform to the law instead of enforcing the law upon him.

Article 534 is French

It’s hilarious he even mentions the new French law passed last month legalizing gay marriage, when Article 534 in the Lebanese penal code which he holds so dearly, is a remnant of the French mandate in the early 1920s. However, France evolved in the past 85 or so years, we haven’t. And, for some reason, Charbel thinks a law imposed on us by the French almost a century ago, is the law of the land, but a law legalizing it in France might call for barring gay French citizens from going into Lebanon because “Lebnan dod el llawat” (Lebanon is against fags)

What about unmarried French gays?

I’m sure of all the French people that visit Lebanon for whatever reason, a sizable amount of them were homosexuals. Why would he joke (I hope he’s joking) about barring them from entry because they can get married now? Is it that it’s ok if they’re hiding it, but coming out and getting equal rights should be punished?

Egg, or no egg?

After his henchmen famously conducted the “virginity tests” on 36 gay men, I wonder, will egg insertion into rectums resume and be set up right after the metal detectors at the airport?

Conclusion

It’s sad that instead of disciplining his subordinate in Dekwaneh, who sexually harassed and abused homosexual clubbers and broke several laws in the process, the minister drops an even worse bombshell… Given his “folksy” demeanor, let’s hope it was just a slip of the tongue and an automatic reaction from a generation of generally homosexual-unfriendly Lebanese. After all, he did admit that under pressure, he’ll cave in regardless of what’s reasonable or legal, like when he banned Ziad Doueiri’s newest movie after some Arab committee complained in a misinformed way.

I saw this report on Al Jazeera last week, and I couldn’t stop laughing. All the times parking attendants walked in that straight line in places like Beirut Souks and ABC Ashrafieh, were useless apart from creating jobs for the unlucky person who had to walk the length of thousands of cars every day.

How could a TV antenna on a toy gun clasp detect explosives? I could never wrap my head around it, but hey, I just assumed it was some Lebanese company ripping them off, never knew it was an international epidemic of silliness. Plus, it’s much better than putting those poor bomb-sniffing dogs to work all day in tough conditions. Of course, after the laughter, I was a bit upset at all the lives that were lost while believing this device, that was sold for up to 40,000 USD sometimes, was supposed to guarantee security to a certain extent.

Iraq, Georgia, Mexico, Niger, Syria and of course Lebanon are among the countries that fell victim to the hoax that made James McCormick 75 million USD. He’s been convicted and could face up to 8 years in prison. I’m more concerned about recompensing the folks and governments that fell for the scheme.

Here’s the Al Jazeera English report and CNN report

And for those interested in further reading about the psychology behind it, and why people fall for things like that. The Discovery and The Guardian have easy-to-read, short (but over-simplified) articles about that.

So, the next time you see a place still using them, laugh and point and take a photo so I put it in the FASHAL section!

So, earlier this month, Elie documented the rising phenomenon of poorly managed pages with bad English springing up across several of the major universities in Lebanon. However, this is Lebanon and whenever an idea pops up, dozens of clones try to ride the wave of popularity. Look at sushi places like 5 years ago. Burger joints a couple of years after that. To take a more relevant example, look at tags on Instagram, where I counted at least 4 or 5 hashtags trying to do what LiveLoveBeirut did, and even “hijacking” their feeds by tagging photos from the clone accounts with “#LiveLoveBeirut” in hopes of confusing folks into following them.

It seems a someone, also with poor English skills, has started a new chain of lame Facebook pages. I found one for USJ, NDU and AUB. None for UOB and LAU. The USJ one is by far the oldest (by a couple of days only) and most active, with 1500+ likes and 4500+ folks talking about this. Next in line comes NDU and AUB both with a few hundred. I guess that puts the academic levels in Lebanese universities in the following order from lowest to highest: USJ < NDU < AUB with LAU and UOB still safe =P Of course, we can’t be sure it’s the same person, but the descriptions are the same, with only the AUB page differing slightly in terms of profile pic and cover photo.

The idea is posting a photo of “hotties” in that university without their knowledge and consent, and creeping on it till someone finally tags you and you either bask in the glory, or ask for it to be removed, which they page admin doesn’t reply to (I say “you” instead of “him or her” because everyone who reads this blog is hot). Now, it’s not that bad, I mean, it’s not like folks are posting nudes they sext each other (at least I didn’t find any =P) but I can imagine what it’s like for the people “featured” if someone from some remote town who spends their day watching porn and uses apps like these decides to start adding or messaging those “hotties” whose name is often posted or they get tagged eventually…

Maybe a boyfriend or girlfriend will see their partner on it and things can go bad, maybe a curios dad will find out his daughter is quite the eye-candy for promiscuous college kids. The possibilities are endless when people’s privacy is laid bare, but, then again, when we post stuff on the Internet, it’s never going away and that comes as a small inconvenience, in my opinion, compared to the millions of other awesome things we get from being online.

I think it’s sad because they’re being “gentlemanly creepers”, and I find that a wee bit disturbing. Keeping logs of the people you find hot, making it easier for you to meet them (but given the kind of people which probably browse this, stalk them is more like it) sure does have a market and the fact these pages are getting likes and surviving more than a few days, means that, unfortunately, there is demand for that in our sometimes sexually inhibited societies. One thing I feel lessens the creepiness, is the fact that it’s both guys and girls, not just girls, which might have come off as much pervier.

But, hey, nothing bad has happened yet and I don’t think anyone got truly upset yet (there are a few “please take them down” but I wonder how sincere they are since the likes were there and that feels good to lotsa folks). My only remaining question, is why hasn’t anyone submitted my photos to the AUB one yet! It doesn’t say you still have to be in the university, so get on it folks =P

Oh, and happy stalking!

EDIT: there actually is an LAU hotties page

1- It never got into Lebanon

Source

So, I’m not sure why you’re demanding “all authorities in Lebanon” and the government to intervene when that specific design never actually got into Lebanon, but featured on Bershka’s website only. Here, I also wanna tell Bershka, bravo for caving into pressure from clueless conservatives instead of standing by your brand and you know, logic and reality since nothing was offensive except the reaction by some Lebanese to another country’s religious symbol.

2- It’s Santa Muerte, a sacred icon for millions of Christians

In Lebanon, channels like MTV and Al Jadeed are famous for not knowing about the invention we call “Google”. They think the Monster Energy Drink logo is a “satanic symbol”, so you can’t really blame them for completely missing the point here. The “satanism” sensationalism that swept Lebanon a few years back, still lingers, and people are afraid when they see skulls or kids with long hair and a Metallica t-shirt. This though, was simply ignorant and 0.02 seconds on Google could’ve resolved that issue.

Santa Muerte generally appears as a female skeletal figure, clad in a long robe and holding one or more objects, usually a scytheand a globe.^[5] Her robe can be of any color, as more specific images of the figure vary widely from devotee to devotee and according to the rite being performed or the petition being made.^[6] As the worship of Santa Muerte was clandestine until the 20th century, most prayers and other rites have been traditionally performed privately in the home. However, for the past ten years or so, worship has become more public, especially in Mexico City after Enriqueta Romero initiated her famous Mexico City shrine in 2001.^[4][7][8] The number of believers in Santa Muerte has grown over the past ten to twenty years, to several million followers in Mexico, the United States, and parts of Central America. Santa Muerte has similar male counterparts in the Americas, such as the skeletal folk saints San La Muerte of Argentina and Rey (King) Pascual of Guatemala.^[8]

source: Wikipedia

The sad part was, that when the bigots were made aware of this bit of information, instead of admitting their misinformed mistake, they poked fun at people for actually knowing or caring to look up Santa Muerte. As for Santa Muerte being looked down upon by the Catholic Church, so are condoms and contraceptives, but I’m sure most of you look past that, no?

So, being offended and organizing a Crusade against this is both un-Christian and also incredibly humiliating to the Christian faith. It’s also racist and elitist since we went down that way.

3- Freedom of Speech and Expression

Religion is like any other topic. If it’s sacred to you, it’s sacred to you. No need to force other people to have the same respect and reverence to whatever your worship. You can criticize and disagree, but calling for it’s ban and government intervention, is backwards and more fitting for countries like Iran or Saudi, so please move there.

4- Christian Values?

I was raised a Christian all my life. All I was taught is love, forgiveness, tolerance, not to persecute others, to be meek, to be kind, that pride was the cardinal sin, etc. Yet, I see all the people jumping up and down proclaiming to be the standard bearers of the Christian faith, doing the complete opposite of what Jesus said. Seriously, if Jesus came back right now, I’d hate to see how awkward everyone complaining about the tshirt would be in his presence.

As for the example of Jesus getting mad in the Temple (which all machoman Christians adore), he got mad because people were using religion to make money, which is every single clergy member today. He didn’t tell his followers “attack everyone who insults me now!” he said “turn the other cheek” and “wipe the dust off your sandals and move on” and got lashed and humiliated and crucified, instead of leading a rebellion on the authorities.

5- Stubbornness beyond the reasonable

Yet, despite everything, some people still insist this is something they need to fight, despite its nonexistence and their failed grasp of the situation. Personally, I think this is utterly humiliating to the Christian faith, which often prides itself on being the more progressive one in the region where chopping heads off and burning the wrong embassy over cartoons is still a thing in 2013.

In Conclusion

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Thank you for the laughs everyone! As if the fact this wasn’t even being sold here was embarrassing enough, you went on to show the intolerant, racist sides of you that even in the face of insurmountable evidence, stick to the hatred and bigotry that is supposed to be the very opposite of what your faith promotes.

And for all the devout Christians out there, remember what St. Augustine said “It was pride that changed angels into devils; it is humility that makes men as angels.” (that’s if you want to be good Christians, and not sectarian Lebanese)