Fattouch on Wikipedia: “Animal Sauvage et Gros Cochon de Zahle”

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After his disgusting crime and even more filthy press conference, it’s sort of like beating a dead horse now. But, the Wikipedia page of the Lebanese Cabinet has been edited to read “Nicola Fattoush Animal Sauvage et Gros Cochon de Zahle, and his religious sect as “Animalism and Frustrated Hayawein”.

I think it’s insulting to animals to call him that, but it’s hilarious and well-deserved for that monster.

26 Ways Living in Lebanon Can Kill You – Construction Sites

10653357_10152414666331056_7946403390956189517_n-1Third in a series by Noura Andrea Nassar titled “26 Ways Living in Lebanon Can Kill You”

Usually, noise, pollution, dust, basic safety, etc. are integral when it comes to a construction site in a densely populated area. All those things are rarely ever enforced in Lebanese construction sites.

But, that’s not really the only problem. The graver one is that these sites are destroying what little we have left in our Beirut heritage department. Often, the inability to force people to vacate their iconic old homes, makes construction companies sometimes knowingly destroy the homes with the residents still in them, or damage them enough to make them too dangerous to live in. So, people do die.

Other people who die are the construction workers. Basic safety precautions are often not taken, and we all heard about a worker who fell to his death, or was crushed by falling debris.

Lastly, they’re dicks, and their trucks and cranes often crowd our streets and sidewalks, wanting you to commit suicide or kill someone, hence, it is definitely one of the ways you get killed in Lebanon.

But, you can do something. Noise pollution, whether or not you believe it, is punishable by law in Lebanon. After a certain hour in the evening, depending on the area, construction is not allowed in order not to disturb residents living close by. You are allowed to call the authorities and complain, and even large-scale construction sites get penalized by stopping their work for a period of time when the neighborhood residents complain. Another way to halt or delay, even force the construction site to be friendlier, is to complain to the Ministry of Environment when the removal of trees is involved. It’s illegal to cut trees in Lebanon, especially the older ones, and the only exception is if the construction site declares them and pledges to replant just as many if not more when construction is complete (which is rarely ever the case). Also, it works sometimes. A friend of mine complained that a 20-year-old tree was being cut down, and the construction work was halted for a full 3 months till the ministry was satisfied the conditions were met and environmentally, the construction site would compensate.

What To Do This Weekend

We all need a breather from all the crap happening around us. So, here’s my suggestion for this weekend’s coolest parties and places to be:

THURSDAY  Uncensored Play on Censorship in Lebanon – AUB West Hall

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After a months long struggle, we finally were able to approve our play at the General Security’s censorship bureau. We’re giving AUBites a special treat tomorrow: giving them the chance to be the first to see it live. Tickets are for just 5,000 LBP and I’ll be there with a bunch of other March folks if you wanna have a chat after the play!

RSVP here

Saturday – C U NXT SAT with WKBL, Ladybug, Jade and Vanclod and Jandam

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This is the weekend’s biggest gig. The beloved Who Killed Bruce Lee will be at the Grand Factory, followed by house favorites Jade, Ladybug and Vanclode Jandam!

RSVP here

B018 with Ziad Ghosn

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Often times, we get so hyped about foreign talent, we forget we have locals that are absolutely fucking brilliant on the decks. Ziad Ghosn is one of my favorites, and this weekend, he’s playing the Saturday slot instead of his usual Friday one. After you’re done partying in your private parties or at C U NXT SAT, head down to b018 for an epic after till the sun rises. Last Saturday was exceptionally massive, and this one promises to be just as awesome.

Sunday – Car Free Day at Sodeco with Achrafieh 2020

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These car-free days are always amazing. This time, it’s on Sodeco-Abdelwahab. Music, food, art, exhibitions and a whole lot of wholesome family fun to cure your hangovers the next day. Let’s hope it’s sunny and we get to enjoy it to the fullest!

RSVP here

Monday – #KillerMovieNight at Virgin Downtown

10609698_10154768438505187_9028259588633709136_nAnist Tabet is a good friend, and I never watch a movie before double-checking if he’s already reviewed it on his blog. His movie club does regular movie nights now, and this special Halloween edition is at the gorgeous opera house that houses Virgin Megastore Downtown. Imagine the place all creeped-out full of folks wearing costumes (if you want to of course!). It’s free of charge and starts at 7:30PM.

RSVP here.

 

HE DID TAKE ACTION! YAAAAY! It’s Actually Rifi’s Fault Fattouche Wasn’t Arrested…

I’m glad to report that Minister of Justice Ashraf Rifi went to Daou’s office and heard her side of the story, and is going to take the necessary legal actions! Also, Daou never apologized. Great, great news!

Fattouchevia Sakker El Dekkene

Ok, after the horrendous Nicolas Fattouche scandal, a lot of talk has been going on about what should have happened legally, especially with Daou’s “reconciliation” with the disgraced MP.

I don’t like speculation, so, I consulted one of my dear lawyer friends on the matter (being sued so much helps you know who the good, passionate, honest lawyers are… Silver linings!) and here’s the breakdown:

Why “7a2 3am” Doesn’t Hold Up

In Lebanon, our MPs and priests and sheikhs LOVE beating women, often to death. And our laws allow them to to a certain extent. For Fattouche to be arrested, the injuries should be severe enough to stop her from working for at least 10 days, and be visible. In other words, it’s ok to beat people up as long as they can still walk and it doesn’t show…

So, really, her hands were sort of tied, both on the personal level and the public one. Add to that the possibility that the disgraced “MP” could have threatened her and her family, or just paid her off, as many people are speculating. So, for the government to prosecute an assailant, the victim needs to be beaten to a bloody pulp basically…

Why Rifi Should Have Arrested Fattouch Instead of Kids Burning Falgs

We know Rifi LOVES to prosecute people for harmless and justified acts of freedom of expression, so, it came as a bit of a shock that he didn’t do the same when one of his own employees was assaulted for doing her job.

Every employee at “2asr el 3adl” (justice palaces) in Lebanon is directly under the Ministry of Justice’s jurisdiction. In other words, they’re employees in that ministry. Now, imagine a lawyer or a doctor was beaten up. His or her syndicate would ALL back him up and ensure the assailant gets what he/she deserves. Why didn’t Rifi stand up for his own employee? Why didn’t he order the high court prosecutor to file an arrest warrant in Fattouche’s name, whose crime is well documented, in broad daylight and with many, many witnesses.

Also, this crime is a far, far graver one than just assault. When you attack a government employee while they’re performing their duties, its consequences are far more severe. It’s like assaulting a Lebanese soldier while on a checkpoint for example. So, if Rifi had taken action, it would have meant a far more powerful legal action against Fattouche.

So, shame on our minister of justice for hunting down kids for burning a terrorist scumbag flag, while letting his own employees suffer at the hands of a monster like Nicolas Fattouche.

New Solar-Powered Lights on the Dora-Karantina Highway

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Road and traffic conditions in Lebanon are appalling. When there isn’t choking traffic, there’s no lighting (ma fi kahraba!), massive potholes, deep lakes and crazy drivers letting out the traffic’s frustration by zig-zagging and speeding to their dooms and the dooms of others.

One THOUSAND people die every single year in road accidents in Lebanon. That’s almost 3 people getting killed every single day. That’s more than people who die in clashes, bombs, beheadings, etc. combined. Apart from the 1000 people who die, FOURTEEN THOUSAND people get injured. That’s thousands of people’s lives changed or ruined forever…

So, even though this is just a tiny step, it’s a good start. That strip of highway sees a lot of pedestrians getting run over. It’s because it’s heavily populated and people are too lazy to use the pedestrian bridges and so, risk their lives by crossing the highway. Having constant light, will hopefully improve that.

It stretches from the Dora bridge all the way to Forum de Beyrouth. They’re being installed as we speak. I’m glad some investment is going into renewables. With EDL as shit as it is, we could use any solar panel and windmill we can get our hands on. Which is another problem by the way (the hands part). The first batch of these solar (and wind) powered lights was in the Dahr El Baidar road. If you pass by there, you’ll see many of them missing. That’s because people come and steal them at night… Yes, I’m serious. So, let’s hope this doesn’t happen to the ones in Beirut.

Manale Daou: Hero That “MP” Nicolas Fattouch Punched Today

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I would insult and call the “man” above names, but, I’m sure he’ll want to file a lawsuit and I don’t want him to beat up any more folks at the Justice Palace. So, I’ll refrain from using any insults, but will allow you to make up your own. Key words: fat, douche, etc.

This is the “person” that allegedly got TWO HUNDRED AND FORTY FIVE MILLION DOLLARS as “compensation” in your taxpayer money for his the partial closure of his and his brother’s illegal quarries that ravaged and destroyed so many mountains in Lebanon.

He’s part of the disgusting, stinky, rotten, festering “wonderfully unique” establishment that is the current Lebanese Parliament, who apart from punching government employees, excel at suing taxpayers, extending their terms illegally, stealing public money and of course, their notorious convoys that highlight their need to compensate for tiny penises “security concerns”.

This creature “man” punched Manale Daou in the throat because she asked him to wait his turn at the Justice Palace. To which the creature “man” was outraged and yelled, “I am MP Nicolas Fattouche, and I cannot wait” to which Manale replied (unlike 99.9% of government employees) “Tekram 3aynak, bass bel dor” (of course sir, but by turn please), and it punched her in the throat. That’s when Manale’s colleague intervened, and one of Fattouch’s leashed dogs “bodyguards” also came in. But, with so many eyewitnesses trying to calm things down, the Fat-Douche “Fattouche” ran away with his “bodyguard”, to terrorize god knows who next.

I’m delighted to see a government employee actually do what’s right, and ask people to stand in line. I’m sure all of you have noticed the zoos that are public institutions in Lebanon, where lines don’t exist and the one with the best connections gets his paperwork handled first. What’s horrifying, is that this mountain of a member of parliament physically assaulted a female employee, in front of everyone’s eyes in broad daylight… He’s done that, and yet, he still isn’t shackled in the back of a Police car on his way to where he belongs: jail.

It’s a nice one-two by the MPs this month, first with lawsuits against taxpayers for saying the truth and demanding that the right thing get done, and the second was an actual physical assault by an “MP” for asking him to abide by the law. How outrageous is that? Abiding by the law for an MP?! She must be crazy…

The MPs gang of “we are not thieves, ok?! prove it! But it’s a crime if you do prove it”, we might start believing you if you pull immunity from Fattouche and make him pay for his latest horrendous crime.

L3ama shu we27een.

MTV Lebanon’s Twitter Account Hacked

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MTV Lebanon’s twitter account with over 420,000 followers (ironically, it jumped some 3000+ followers since the hack!), has been hacked, apparently by a pro-Hezbollah hacker.

The cover photo has been changed into a Hezbollah fighter with the yellow flag fluttering, and one tweet was tweeted almost an hour ago which says:

Which basically translates to:

“When you learn the difference between a “martyr” and a “casualty/victim”, between an “informant/agent [of Isareal]” and a “Resistance fighter”. When you learn that Israel is the enemy, then, your account will be returned to you. So we don’t forget Palestine.”

Some Background

MTV Lebanon is well-known to be on the far-right spectrum, and several mistakes in the last few months that portray Israel as the victim for example in the recent Gaza assault, have gotten a lot of backlash, forcing MTV to change their marquees sometimes because of the criticism.

Anyway, this is not cool and I hope MTV get their account restored soon.

FAP Lebanon Finally Makes it to 9GAG’s “Hot”

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You can see the billboard under it has a tobacco ad, meaning that this photo was taken prior to March 2012 when the ban on tobacco advertising came into effect. As (like the French call it) an “internaut”, I chuckle every time I see FAP signs or ads. For the 0.01% of you of don’t know what “fap” means, it’s masturbating. That’s why people sometimes comment *fap fap fap* on something hot, or sarcastically for something unattractive.

Anyway, I still can’t believe I just explained the onomatopoeic intricacies of “fap”, but, it was a long time coming and the 9gag users finally landed it on the site’s “hot page”.

Mabrook la Lebnen!

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